Oww. My Head.

I currently have a headache, and am listening to a racecar drive back and forth in the parking lot.  That’s what I get for working for a raceteam.

Ever noticed how racecar spelled backwards is racecar?  I figure that must be so drunk rednecks don’t get confused.

Ok, off to hunt my tylenol.

Can I stick with it?

Hey, before April, I did pretty good with writing, making sure I updated, and generally tried to keep it fun.  Then, I did what I always do.  I quit.  No notice, no warning. 

TradeMark Drama Queen Me. 

Can I stick with it this time?  Can I finally commit to something?  I have no freaking clue.  I mean, hell, we are barely in our house a year and I am already wanting to move. 

Not b/c I don’t like the house.  I love it.  I like most of my neighbors too.  (We talk Redhead bitch at a later date).  I just want to move b/c I am used to it.  Stupid foster care makes change a BIG part of your life, and I think it’s sometimes all I know.  Its why I hate change it some areas, but try and force it in others. 

So, let’s try and break that pattern.

I am going to take a vacuum to your crumby cleavage!

APPARENTLY, ignoring my blog is NOT an option, as I have been called out.  And TAGGED!!!!  Unfortunately, part of the game is tagging 7 others.  And I don’t have seven other bloggers to tag.  God, I am lame. 

So I guess I am back, so thank you, my darling friend, for that swift kick in the ass.  You can remove the shoe you left behind.  The heel is starting to dig.

So, seven “private” things about myself….

1.  I am obessed with Teen literature.  I have so far read Harry Potter, Twilight, and am still waiting for the newest Princess Diaries.  I am 26, when the hell am I going to grow up?  (though, currently, I am reading Blood Brothers, so that counts for something, right?)

2.  I totaled my first car.  I told police and my father that I had to swerve to avoid another car in my lane.  When in actually, I swerved to avoid a bunny.  (I was 18.  Shush)

3.  I hate my mother.  Or, I could care less about her, I just hate that she is technically my mother.  I just can’t deal with her. 

4. I quit smoking when I had strep throat this year.  While I make my DF believe it’s been some horrible sacrifice b/c he wanted me to do it, it’s actually been VERY easy.  I pretend it’s hard, b/c, well, I am a bitch like that.

5.  I never wanted to be a mother.  I was HAPPY when the Dr. told me I wasn’t fertile.  Now, I want # 3 and it’s killing me to know that it might not be possible.

6.  I am jealous of a dead woman.  I honestly Idolized Audrey Heburn and would kill to look like her.  Hell, to BE her. 

7.  I hate myself.  Most people don’t realize this b/c I am great at putting up facades.  But honestly, I can’t even stand to look in the mirror.  I can’t believe it’s me.

Happy Fucking Birthday to me!

So, yesterday was my birthday.  It started out fine.  Really!  The day before my sister Blue Jay and my cousin Charlotte found out that Fiancee and I were going to my favorite resturaunt 45 minutes away and asked to join us.  Which was great.  I hadn’t thought to ask anyone to come, since even my mother said no.  She did ask me what I wanted for my birthday though.

 

OH!!!!  Fiancee forgot my cake.  It’s a thing.  It’s not a birthday without cake.  We always get a cake for family.  It’s stupid, but tradition.  I even showed him what cake I wanted, and he forgot.  Maybe that should have set the tone…

 

We get down there, have a great time.  It’s me, Fiancee, Princess, Angel, Blue Jay, BLue Jay’s fiancee, Charlotte, and her 5yr old Breezy.  This is the restruant I grew up eating in as a child, and I go there every year for my birthday.  They know me.  I got a martini glass with icecream and sparklers, LoL.

 

We get in the car when Princess’s attitude starts up.  She is jealous b/c “everyones paying attention to MOMMY!”  This doesn’t stop until this morning.  Which is why her butt spent the day in her room.  Alone.  With no attention.  She was screaming and ranting, and I had it!

 

My mom calls when we are almost home and asks us to stop by, so we do (Princess is still being the brat from hell.  Angel keeps telling me happy birthday and giving me kisses.  Which pisses Princess off even more)

 

My mom asks what I got.  I tell her.  She tells me Happy Birthday and we leave.  Now, remember, she asked me what I wanted?  Well, I told her an Ivy Basket to hang outside.  It’s $5.00.  What disapointed me the most?  She didn’t even get me a card.  NOTHING.  Same thing as last year, so I should be suprised.  But then, I won’t be shocked when my sisters get stuff for THEIR birthdays.  Same thing happened last year.  I am starting to think that my mother really doesn’t like me…

 

When we get home, Princess of course goes to her room, Angel gets Dora, and I crawl in my bed and turn on NCIS (there was a marathon on USA the day before I recorded!  USA was wishing ME a Happy Birthday.  Or so my brain thinks)

 

I keep waiting for my Dad, My sister A (preggo one), or my friends Drama Girl, Hippie Chick, Goth Boy, or Fluff to call.  Sad, isn’t it?  I mean, I am 26 now!  Should I care?  What pisses me off the most? NO ONE calls.  My BFF from high school, Crazy called me.  But then, we always do this.  She called me at 8:30am.  Atleast it wasn’t 5:00 like last year!  I think I will call her at 3:00am this year….

 

Oh, and to top it off?  I got sick later that night.  My stomach hurt, and I have a cold.

 

There is my birthday pitty party!!!  LoL.  I am trying not to let it get to me, but how do you ignore your childs birthday?  Seriously?

Happy Birthday.  I am now 4yrs away from 30.

Yes, I know. I have been slacking.

I am tired.  I have literally been pushing myself through this week since Monday.  Which I have to say, is NOT a good thing.  I actually had to stop myself from falling asleep on the way to work this morning.  Not Good. 

 My week started out bad.  I know, it was Easter, what can go wrong on Easter?  So called “fathers” and psycho entitlment issues.  Princess’s sperm donor seemed to think it was ok to park up the street from our house so we couldn’t see his car and knock on our door with a basket full of sugar filled crap.  (all in the trash btw.)  Princess’s was freaked.  He came into HER safe place and it is still taking us time to make her realize he is not going to kidnap her when we are sleeping.  Bastard.

Let’s not even address the “how the hell does he know where I live?” question.  B/c then, I am terrified beyond belief.  We are not listed, the house is in DF’s name, and since we call him by his middle name, SD has NO WAY of knowing anything.  Which means…  I don’t even want to think it.

Monday was fine, except that I was tired from the nightmares of my daughter being kidnapped by a jealous pissed off ex.  Plus, DF started acting really strange.  I was confused, but I knew he was pissed about SD stopping by, so I let it go.

 Tuesday, I go looking for one of my brand new, only worn once outfits.  DF kindly points out they are in the dryer.  The world stops spinning.  I feel dizzy and sick to my stomach.  My entire body feels as if it’s on fire as I move to the dryer and discover all of my linen outfits shrunk to death.  He even washed them on HOT water.  There was no saving them….  I still mourn their short lives.

So, I get to work, and I reorder all said outfits online, earning me a huge bitch out from him, since I used his credit card.  I also added expedited shipping ;-)  and no, I don’t feel bad. 

I get home that night and we have it out.  Finally he realizes that when I say MOP THE FLOOR PLEASE, it doesn’t mean, destroy all of my clothes.  Also, I need more help around the house.  Not just him coming home and being a lazy ass complaining about how fucking tired he is.  We work the same hours, expect I do it in less days.  Stop bitching and help me.  We will see how long it actually lasts.

Onto Wednesday!  DF is still having his strange attitude.  I finally press for details and it all comes out (after using torture techniques such as waterboarding and blowjobs).  Our friend Fluff told me jokingly that Df once tried to pass me off onto him before we started dating.  It was said in innocence, but b/c  Fluff does have feelings for me, DF thought he was trying to break us up…  Which isn’t like DF.  He knows me, and he is NOT the jealous type.  But couple that, with his being tore up about Princess and her SD, jealous butthead comes out.

After talking through these things, DF could see that he was acting a little bit like crazy bunny rabbitt girl and has calmed down.  Hopefully.  Otherwise, I am going to have to hurt him.  He feels as if our family is being threatened by SD and hates all outside threats right now. 

And he is right, our security, our family, our happiness, is at stake here.  All b/c a man who likes to beat up women, stalk me, and makes me feel as if I have to look over my shoulder in fear, is back.

Please say you’re fucking kidding me

Complaints so far:

Old BBC (OBBC):

1. Only POPULAR people got invites (bullshit. people with 58 posts got invites.  Why?  B/c they asked)
2. New BBC (NBBC) members only come over here to gloat (since when?  whe the fuck is gloating?)
3. If they are on the new board, they should stay there (what part of PUBLIC board do you not understand?)
4. LoLCat pictures are childish and lame (really?  B/c I can pull up plenty of threads where YOU posted them too…)
5. Drama Queen is a bitch for telling me to get over it (yeah, I am.  But still, stop whining.  I have enough children thank you!)

NEW BBC (NBBC)

1. There is too much cussing (ok… go elsewhere then!)
2. I don’t like pictures of Dildos.  They scare me (so sorry for ya!  and your husband)
3. I should NOT have to explain to my 12yr old what “backdoor action” means!  (well then, DON’T.  And tell the nosey brat to stop reading over your shoulder!)

And a special shoutout to KatieP.  Katie, good job for keeping your head up and not stooping to personal attacks against posters just b/c they got invites and you didn’t….  Oh wait, I forget, sarcasam probably goes right over your pretty little head.

Peachy Keen Sunday Afternoon. (otherwise known as Donor SUCKS)

Princess counsler and I continued to talk about Princess seeing SD.  Princess was very nervous about seeing him, and we didn’t want to push her.  I personally HATE SD (some of you know why), but I don’t let her see that.  It’s not really healthy. 

The counsler did say that Princess can still read my body language, and can feel my tension.  Counsler says even she can see me tense up at the mere mention of his name.  So, I (along with counsler approval) set up a time for Princess to meet with SD at the park.  That way, she could play and not feel to uncomfortable.

I took DF with me, b/c I just don’t feel that safe with this man.  While he swears he changed, I wouldn’t know and sure don’t see it.

SD showed up with his GF and their daughter who is 10 (they dated when they were teens and let the dad adopt the daughter.  I met him after they had been broken up for 4 years.  They started dating again after I got my restraining order)

Well, Princess started playing with their daughter and was having fun but kept running to me and DF for hugs and to make sure we were watching.  SD saw this and got jealous and went and grabbed her hand and started trying to get her to walk with him, and she refused.

Princess wanted to climb the monkey bars, so I went to help her.  After she did that, she wanted to do it again.  SD jumped in front of me so I couldn’t get to her and grabbed her.  She looked terrified, but I felt like I should let him help her, right?

Well it all went downhill from there.  He kept grabbing her and hugging her and trying to get her to talk alone with him.  When I noticed the tears in her eyes, I said it was time to go. 

I kept intercepting the conversations, but the last one, he asked her if she wanted to come LIVE WITH THEM!!!!  Princess started crying b/c she was scared he was going to take her!

We got in the car and went home where Princess begged me to never make her see him again.  I shouldn’t have, but I promised.  How could you not promise your child that?  I mean, he has NO visitation rights, so he can’t really press the issue, and she was torn up all day about it.

She talked with the counsler today (it’s a school counsler), and Counsler called me.  We are in agreement that this can’t happen again.  She said Princess was scared and felt like she had to ALLOW him to hug her and hold her hand, even though she wasn’t comfortable. 

I hate that I put my baby through this.  Just b/c I thought maybe I was wrong and should let her try and know this man.  Oh, and he left a message on my phone last night.  Said he wants to start taking her alone.  He has lost his mind.  I can count on my hands the number of times he has SEEN her since I left!

I am just angry/frustrated/hurting/pissed off/hysterical.  Even Angels’ dad had to laugh when I told him.  We started dating after I left SD, so he got to see first hand how bad it was for me. 

Makes one think…

Amazingly, Fiancee didn’t laugh at this….

Invite Craze 2008

It all started with 5  little words “Babycenter is changing its format”  It started an internet debate and led to the craze that rocked the boards…

Dramatic enough for you?  Well, that’s how FRENZIED the boards felt today before the “bell” rang at 1:00pm

Soon, well, at least in the next few weeks/months, Babycenter will no longer be the place that you have come to know and love.  They are switching to a new BETA format (I know, they just updated us from a BETA format), which has been compared to Myspace, Cafemom, and in one thread, Facebook.  Which many moms on the boards HATE.  With a passion.  I admit to having a Myspace and Cafemom account, but I haven’t been on Cafemom in months and log in about once a week to Myspace to correspond with friends through LoLCats.

First, our hosts got to check out the boards, then weeks later, they were given three invites each, so they could invite the 3 posters who posted frequently.  I recieved one from BCRebecca.  We were supposed to test it out, and report any issues we found.  We would be given invites at a later date for our friends. 

It didn’t work this way.  Everyone automatically got 3 invites a piece.  Suddenly, all hell broke lose on BBC.  There were suddenly 50 threads opened asking for invites and about 14 saying “I don’t care, it’s a popularity contest anyway.”  Finally, one very smart BHB Mama, our beloved Texican, started the “official invite thread” so everyone got in line and started dolling them out to the next person.  At last check the thred was closing in on 700 posts.  Everyone wants on the new boards.

Eventually, a thread was started about “is BBC going to start CHARGING???!!!” I doubt this.  They make plenty of money from ads alone.  If they do though, I am jumping ship.  Drama is free in the world.  So is sex, but that’s another thread

Well, the Babycenter Mods quickly caught on to the Invite “glitch” and shut it down as of 1:00pm.  Those who got in, YAY for you!!! Those who didn’t, don’t worry, the new boards will be public then, and you can bitch about how much you hate it in just a few more weeks (so far, that’s what is being said…)

Then, there are those like me.  The ones who have legitimate invites (thanks BCRebecca!), but for some stupid glitch in the new boards system, are unable to log in.  Whether it be from our Screen Names, or just the Gods hating us, we are currently locked out.  Cheer up though, I hear they are working to fix it.  If it takes as long as it did to fix our host, Angelas’ glitch, we should be on the new boards in about 2 months.

I have to say, this change needs to be taken public SOON.  Otherwise, the “left behind” Mamas are going to start shooting the invited Mamas and BBC will become a bloodbath…  And I want to live!

At the BHB, we have a secret language!

I clip coupons about once a month on the weekend while the kids are asleep and dh is home. He doesn’t see the point of coupons, but doesn’t mind if I use them. Come to think about it, the last flowers he bought me were smokeable. I defiantly like to cut coupons and then visit the meat counter!! If you get peaches before visiting the meat counter it helps the munchies too

If you can decode that, you should join us!  One of our lovely mommies posted it, and it’s too good to forget, especially for this peach lovin’ Drama Queen!